Connections

All that we are and all that we will be is connected to our unconscious thoughts and beliefs that we have acquired through our perception of our life experiences. I believe that we are born with a life purpose, with a unique ability to do something better than anyone else in the whole of the world, and yet, unless we address these underlying negative thought processes, these entrenched unconscious inner beliefs and these traumatic memories, we are destined for disappointment. 

I had an illuminating EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) session today which reminded me of the interconnectedness of present emotions and past experiences. I saw how beliefs acquired, and emotions experienced when I was a small girl, played out in the drama of my present day life. Prior to the session, I had found it difficult to connect with those past experiences. I had few clear images of my younger self, indeed my past was distant and hazy. 

I realised today that sometimes my daughter triggers in me the uncomfortable feelings of my inner little girl, in this case, feelings of abandonment, of not being good enough and of being fearful of change. My daughter illustrates to me, as clearly as a mirror, those areas in which, as a child, my needs weren't met. In turn, I mother her, at times, the way my own mother mothered me, which feeds the negative feelings and helps them grow bigger. My emotional needs were not always met in the past, so if I behave the same way in the present, so too will her needs be unmet.

 As children, we are as sponges, drinking up the life lessons from the important people around us; people with their own unresolved conflicts, their own histories of unmet needs. It pays to remind ourselves that everything is as it should be. The universe provides and we all make the best choices and behave in the only way we know how at the time, given our own life experiences and resources. If you look with your heart, you can find the keys to open the doors of healing.

Today I went some ways along the path of making peace with my inner little girl. There is more work to be done, soothing her and balming her from her past hurts, which echo in my present life. The beliefs I formed then, and the feelings that I felt, no longer serve me, so it is time to give her the things she felt she missed out on. It is never to late to have a happy childhood.

Image c/o Julia Fehrenbacher

Surrender

There is always a darker side to life. Without the darkness it is impossible to distinguish the light. Both are a vital part of the human spirit, the cycle of life. With birth comes the inevitability of death.
Today, I have yelled when kind words and a bit of imagination could have helped both myself and my daughter solve a situation. In between perfectly happy moments have come times of tension and thinly veiled threats and counter threats designed to softly wound in the face of feelings of powerlessness. And then....
...When the day is almost done comes surrender. A time of truly being present and resourceful and aware. A time of reconnection. The bonds of light and love are healed once more and all is well in the world.
As a mother, I feel that it is my duty to try to be the best me I can be and to allow the light to shine brightly as often as is possible. I am human and fallible and the darkness is always part of the cycle. I have tools which support me on this journey of motherhood and I share these with my children so that they may learn that, though the dark is ever present, some things help the heart feel a little brighter. These friends that nurture and sustain me, and those which I share, I am eternally grateful to...so thanks to Reiki and to EFT. I trust these friends to help the hurts to heal. I trust these friends to guide me to what needs to be healed within me to enable me to mother my children in the way they most need and I surrender to the cycle, knowing that with awareness comes truth and wisdom.